Pandemic Concerns: Explaining It To Your Children
Hi y’all!
These are some of my thoughts on how to explain why people made different choices during the pandemic. It’s so hard to dig deep to find empathy for people who did not isolate or wear masks at all, and it’s even harder to understand if you have any health concerns or vulnerabilities yourself. But we have to try as hard as we can to explain it to our children with empathy so that the lesson they take away from the pandemic experience isn’t that people are inherently selfish. That is just not how I want my child to view the world, and if you’re reading this, you probably agree. As with everything, there are degrees and shades of truth. This quote attributed to Warren Wiersbe guides me at these times: “Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.”
Children understand needs and values and they understand that different people have different needs and different values (“People think different things are more important to them. Like how you think swinging on the swing at the playground is more important than sliding down the slide.”). I would stick with language centered on this.
I would also reflect that some people were given the wrong information or trusted the wrong sources that weren’t backed by science and this impacted their decision-making process. For that you can say something like this: “Some people were told the wrong thing and then they made their choices based on something that wasn’t really true, which is just so frustrating and confusing for everyone!”
This all really depends on the age of your child and if/whether they are asking you any questions. But if you open up the conversation to begin with, your child is going to feel so much more comfortable asking you their questions and processing all of this within the safety of their relationship with you.
You can use language something like this: “Some people need different things to keep their bodies healthy and safe. Some people think that playing with other children inside no matter what is the most important thing. Some people get really nervous when they can’t do the things that they normally do like going on vacations with friends, so they felt like they had to do those things otherwise they would feel too nervous. Everyone needs different things for their bodies and everyone thinks that different things are more important, so everyone makes different choices sometimes. But it’s so frustrating because sometimes those different choices make things hard for other people like doctors who have to take care of everyone. We’re all just doing our best.” I think this language would be a helpful way to approach it, but I’m also just brainstorming myself! I wish there was a manual for this, don’t you?!
The feeling words that seem relevant are: “It’s so unfair!!!!” and “‘You feel jealous that Sam got to go to his friend’s house but you didn’t.” If you’re not sure whether your child understands the word jealous yet, start using it in your own home more: “I’m jealous that you have macaroni for dinner! I want macaroni for dinner.” hah… something like that? Just use repetition.
If you have had to cut family off or end ties with friends, it’s understandable, and I just want you to be able to explain this to your children so that they do not personalize this decision and think it’s because the family member doesn’t want to see them anymore. This is trickier to explain and more emotionally sensitive for your child, but please have a conversation so that they don’t personalize this decision. You can use language similar to the above, but emphasize that this person still “loves you very, very much, but they had to make different choices because of their different needs and that’s why we can’t see them right now or anymore.”
Let me know if you have any other questions specific to your child, but I mainly just want to emphasize that these conversations will make such a difference to your child in the lessons that they ultimately take away from this really tough experience. We really want them to understand that other people are not inherently “bad”… that’s really not the case based on everything I know and have experienced as a therapist and human : ) Hang in there. Solidarity.